If, like me, you've been hating Disaronno's ubiquitous "Pass the Pleasure Around - Ice Cube" commercial since it first aired in 2003, you should know that no one hates it as much as my friend Skot:
Anyway, she closes her eyes as she sucks on the phallocube. And here's where the commercial truly knocks it out of the park. Because right then they cut back to ghoul, who is again totally rooted to the spot watching this wanton display of oral gratification. He's stunned! He can't believe this chick! And then he smiles the most alarming, simian smile ever caught on video. The smile slowly starts at the corners of his mouth and crawl horribly up towards his terrible face. It really is impossible to describe; in overall effect, imagine how the Tall Man from the Phantasm movies would look if he were very slowly getting an erection. It's the kind of face that says, "I sure would like to date-rape you . . . but I don't think I can wait that long!"
Bad ad aside, Disaronno is tasty stuff and has long been the most popular of amarettos. Amaretto happens to be my favorite liqueur but I didn't know till just now that it's possibly the oldest of them all, dating back to 1525 when Bernardino Luini, a painter from DaVinci's school, was commissioned by a wealthy businessman to create a fresco of the Madonna for a church in Saronno, Italy. Luini's search for a model ended when he found a beautiful innkeeper, whom he of course ended up having an affair with; she created amaretto as a gift for her lover. "Disaronno" means "from Saronno" and supposedly the recipe hasn't changed since 1925; the famous beautiful square-cut glass bottle is not original but was designed by a craftsman from Murano.
History lesson aside, kind AFB readers, please feel free to buy me an amaretto sour or two if we're ever in a bar together. I thank you sincerely in advance but note that I reserve the right not to do untoward things with the ice cubes!